I am supposed to do this days ago, but workload is a major killer.

i have a certain fear of public restrooms.
first of all, i would of course prefer it very, very clean.
but still, the clean ones doesn't always seems to be clean.
cause bacterias are unseen, that's for sure.

i am hoping that somehow ALL public restrooms will have toilet seat covers.
so that when i step in a cubicle, the first thing i see are not splashes of deep yellow pee,
and some strands of pubic hair on the toilet seat.

i don't see the reason why there are pubic hair!
are they plucking it? or somehow they scratched their balls and it fell off a little?
in any case, whatever mystical way the hair fell off,
dudes should have like a little consideration to at least use a toilet paper to dust it away,
rather than it lay down there like its waiting for other pubic hair to play with,
or dangling by the side of the toilet seat.
fucking gross.............!

about the droplets of unpleasant pee,
we boys/men somehow have the tendency of not shooting it right.
it sucks though, but that's where the peeing stand comes in.
you can pee freely without aiming into the rather big hole.
i take initiative, for sure.

oh i feel public restrooms are like a lucky draw.
you wouldn't know what you will win!
syphilis, herpes, gonorrhea, you name it! they got it!

and after some time when you feel some itchiness,
sanitize, people! you caught something from somewhere,
and its growing into something and hopefully it will not start to befriend you at night.
creepy.



one more fear i have is regarding contact lenses.
sure good brands are superbly comfortable.
loving the tenderness they give to my eyes.
but still thoughts and worries sparks now and then.

for example like if i fell asleep, will it like go to the back of my eye and i need surgery to dig out the piece of plastic?

or when i am cooking on a hot stove, will the heat melt the plastics and i go fully blind and starts singing at mrt stations playing a harmonica........................................

paranoia, paranoia.... not getting me anywhere.
okay i am tired.

I am dead tired.
but still clicking on this machine that has another dimension in it.
it keeps me awake and excites me.
oh i think that's just the coffee.



I've been very, very worried about my health this few weeks.
searching for clues online of what i might be suffering from.
symptoms that i feel could be fatal.



i think being that i am a virgorian, we tend to get paranoid over tiny little things.
we're perfectionist, as you can see from me, for sure.
we are bugged by health, surroundings,

eg. when someone i know doesn't smile,
i would immediately think that he/she hates me.
which most of the time are true.



for now, my whole being as a person is put on toll.
i am afraid that i might have diabetes, kidney failure, blah blah blah.
sucks being me.

let me console myself.

I hope this is just another phase of my pathetic ritual i have now and then.

just to please my perfect-O-meter.

It always strike me if i were to die, how would others react..
would they cry?

(duh)
would i be a wandering spirit unhappy with life,feeling unsatisfied about everything?

(yes, I'm only 19 still for god sake)
would life would be harder without me, lonely, quiet?

(YES YES YES)



oh i glanced at my watch and realise that its already July.
My birthday gonna be up soon. FUCK!!!!
I'm so gonna get sabotaged this year.. BADLY.
I'm semi-prepared for the amount of flour going to be in my hair and in my pants.



i think I'm heading to bed and dream about the time when i was younger,
when bubble wrap and styrofoam were the best thing in the world!

it created my snow wonderland.

But in every fairytale, there's always that skank.
There was this certain girl with the pledge of evil.
She plays the mean fat bitch,

i mean witch.

She'd trash the snow wonderland where ice skating,

snow angels,
fat penguins,

thin snowman

made of styrofoams,
were made real.

I miss childhood.

DAMN YOU FAT PERSON!

i am craving for macdonalds.
somehow, i feel that macdonalds uses a certain kind of drug,
to lure customers again and again,
and to crave for macs at very wee hours,
or at very time when people feel lazy.
i bet they sprinkle powder-like substance on the buns or

add an additional melted liquid flavouring into the patties or

feed the chickens with drugs which i believe to be in the midst of marijuana or cocaine,

so that it taste that superb.
and i bet they added it to the milo too!
how can milo taste so good? its not logical.
i tried to do it, but it tends to get too milky, thick, and ends up with milo dinosaur.
and here we poor suckers craving for it at this time, hoping to fill our tummies which those rancid food that taste so goooooooooood.



i just cant afford to wait for an hour.
its too long. im eating fruits to get by.
i'd rather cook something up myself.
but i need to watch discovery channel and living and watch jamie oliver does it,
envy him, salivate a little, and cook up a storm.
by storm i mean noodles.

alright, im ready to head down,

walk in the pouring rain to get macdonalds.

the things i do for food.

and for online movies to accompany me by.

its weird that even after months or even years,
people who used to be dear to me,
i do still remember their contacts,
even if i lost it.
or deleted it in certain matters.
number by number,
name by name,
people by people.
they tend to leave a memory and a trail of emotions.
which sucks, entirely.
it is just stucked in my head.
maybe after a decade i would forgot them.
hopefully the feeling will die too.


but for now so that we're clear,
i still miss you.





ANYWAYYYY,
helping out my friend in need.
Casandra Wong need votes for the Rice Project,
for the photojournalist contest she's in.
i voted, so should you!
and the pictures are brilliant.
she was in a communist country for god sake.
no offence, Vietnam.
she deserves the vote!

http://www.thericeproject.com/?action=entry&cid=29&m=O&s=&p=1


Thanks a plenty!!


















im posting random pictures that i saw on facebook.
most of them looked fucked.
but here are the best few.

Mabel's 21st,

which was fun,

and clubbing moments,

which was...blurry.

i always thought that good things will eventually come to an end.
good things doesn't last forever.
maybe that's the negative way of thinking.
i guess its all about balance.

anyway, back in the service line,
i had forgotten how fucked up customers can get.
how they will bargain for more when there's already plenty of goods.
how their wrinkled forehead will strain to get what they want.
how fat obnoxious women in ugly green floral print tube dresses stomped their way down the steps to create more humiliation for themselves,

as if their facade had not already done so.

so not worth it.........

i hate brutal facts.
facts that i don't want to face but i have to.

school's gonna be back pretty soon.
i have mixed feelings.
but oh well.
it will die off.